How to Penetrate the Group

May 29, 2009 by:
How to Penetrate the Group
You see the Latina women of your dreams standing across the room.  She is provocative. She has a contagious smile. She is attractively dressed. You just know she smells like the newest fragrance from Victoria Secret.  You want to go talk to her,  but nervousness begins to cramp your stomach, and your head tilts downward looking at your shoes.   You take a deep breath.  Confidence is slowly beginning to build. Right foot first and then the left, you’re going in.

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You reach the table and the conversation opens well.  She is interested in you.  The adrenaline begins to subside with each rapport building second.  Just as you begin to think you’re locked in, one of her guy friends quickly pulls her away.  You have been officially ostracized.  Now, you have been left standing awkwardly on the outside of the crowd.  You begin to feel uncomfortable and head back across the room — Failure.
You have just experienced the cock block.  The cock block is subtle and not immediately recognized for what it is.  In most Latin cultures, woman rarely go out at night alone.  “Ladies night” like in Western countries, occur here less frequently.  Instead, Latinas travel in small co-ed packs, usually of 4-10 people.  They have a tendency to congregate around elevated bar tables and share bottles of liquor.   Mingling and dancing in confined to the circle.  Onlooking men and women are often frustrated by these groups because they are very clicky.

The frequent number of clicky, co-ed groups is due to a Latin cultural norm.  In Latin societies as compared to Western societies, men play a greater role as the provider and protector.  They are looked upon as the breadwinners and guardians of their women.  This is because a large part of Latin society is still very machismo.

In a nightclub or bar setting, unknown men are considered threats to attractive females because they typically are drinking alcohol, at times consuming other types drugs.   As a result, partying in co-ed groups is a manifestation of perceived danger rather than a reflection the women’s dating status.   Trusted men in the group provide the women an enhanced level of security and they are not necessarily husbands or boyfriends.

In the Panama City nightlife setting, group co-ed clicks are most noticeable in places like Pure, Gallery and People

Critics of my observations would counter, “Evan, I think you are wrong because I see girl only groups at night all the time.”

True, this is sometimes the case.  Girl only groups are visible in Panama and other parts of Latin America.  But, typically they fall into one of two categories:

Category 1: Cosmopolitan Types. Those independent minded women who disdain their machismo cultural legacy.  They hate the fact that Latin culture still believes their place in society is in the kitchen rather than the workplace.  I would disdain it too.  More often than not, these women have spent time in parts of Europe and/or the States.  If not, they probably watch to Cosmopolitan inspired shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Sex in the City. Cosmopolitan Types are frequently found at places like the Indigo, the Havana, the Prive, or the La Casona.

Category 2: Courtesans, the more politically correct reference to prostitutes.  These women have no point in
going out in co-ed groups.  It is much less likely that potential clients will approach if other men are present.  Plus, “courtesans” pal around with other “courtesans” ensuring collective security by sheer numbers.  Prostitutes can be found at most casinos, Sahara, and Habanos.
However, our concern is how to meet the Latina of our dreams.  How do we penetrate the group and overcome possible cock blocks? My friends and I are still working on an effective strategy.   These are some of our ideas:
  1. Chat up the guys.  This seems counter-intuitive, talking to guys when you want to meet girls?  However, unlike Western countries where talking to a guy at a bar might provoke a fight, Latin guys are easy to approach. Latins are interested in people from other Western countries.
  2. Second.  it is viewed as a favorable status symbol for Latin men to be rubbing elbows with Western guys.  Avoid the possibility of being considered gay by telling a story about an ex-girlfriend or commenting on the attractiveness of a particular girl.

It is critical that you win over the guys.   If they do not like you, or do not know you, you will be perceived as a threat.  A threat to the group and a threat to the very women you want to meet.  If they like you they are much less likely to cock-block you.

Once you have successful befriended the males, find out what the relationships are.  This is vital because you have to know who is off limits; who is married to whom, or who is dating whom.  More importantly, you will find out who is available:  friends, cousins, co-workers.   Afterwards,  slowly proceed to initiate a conversation with the girl who originally attracted you over to the table.   You are on your own from there.

On the other hand,  if you are a single female caught in a highly clicky, cock-blockative, co-ed group here are some recommendations:
  • First.  Put yourself in an approachable position.  Instead of sitting in the middle of a group, sit at the end of a table.  Some place that you are not surrounded by people flanked on either side.
  • Second.  Instead of making glancing eye contact, or even awkward prolonged eye contact, try this.  Try making initial eye contact.  Then look downward, and slowly raise your eyes upwards again.  This second initiation of contact is a clear indication of interest.  It’s pretty damn sexy.  If the guy is not totally oblivious, then he should come over to chat.
  • Third.  Get out of your seat.  Go to the bar and order some water, or even go to the bathroom several times.  Just make sure you are moving around.  This will increase your chances of “bumping” into someone.  Moving around the club and meeting people is more exciting than stirring your drink over and over,  judging the other girls at the bar, and pretending to “love to dance” all night.
Like I said,  my friends (both females and males) and I have not perfected these strategies.  We are still working out the kinks.
But, if you are able to overcome the groups and meet the people inside them, or even branch outside them,  your nightlife will become much more interesting and enjoyable.

Evan Terry Forbes

Evan Forbes 122 post in this blog.

Evan Terry Forbes is an Author, Entrepreneur and Hall of Fame Traveler. He writes entertaining books about how travel has changed his life. In so many beautiful ways. Currently, Evan is traveling with his retired mother for 1 year through Europe and Asia. This book will be called, Travels With My Mother - How Travel Transformed A Mother-Son Relationship. Read his books here.

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7 Comments on "How to Penetrate the Group"

  1. Yoli on Sat, 30th May 2009 12:16 am 

    Hahhahah I loved every word Evan…. Im a latina and Its TRUE!!! I consider myself more like a Cosmopolitan But what you said about groups!!!! DAMN TRUE!!

  2. Oceana on Sat, 30th May 2009 4:52 am 

    me hizo reir muchisimo y me encantaron los flirting tips!

  3. Robert on Sat, 30th May 2009 10:08 am 

    Pretty good rules. I still believe that picking up girls in bars is a waste of time though.

  4. Rey on Sun, 31st May 2009 8:33 am 

    Evan, you know I’ve been in and out of Panama and Latin America for 8 years now and i still have those issues getting cock blocked. but it’s true you have to either meet the guys or another strategy not mentioned is if you know one of her friends already and her freind co-signs then you are good.

  5. Diana on Sun, 31st May 2009 7:34 pm 

    Just out of curiosity: If you want to meet the Latina (or the Western man) of your dreams, is the bar THE place to go to in Panama?! No other reasonable alternatives?

  6. John on Mon, 1st Jun 2009 1:15 pm 

    This is excellent advice from a seasoned pro. ;-)

  7. Friend on Mon, 25th Oct 2010 5:14 am 

    Unintentionally I found that the best way to penetrate any group in a disco was not to get there alone or with just males, but with female company. I have been dancing with a group of girls and have ended up dancing with a another girl right on the dance floor up close and personal. If she has to go, there is nothing to be said, cause you never talked or new her name before or after. this once I remember a girl that got pulled away. The only words said where hers saying I have to go, but since I wasn’t saying anything but just smiled and nod, her body languange was kind of like asking for me to say something, looking like “ask me to stay, offer to take me home or ask me my number”. It’s a waste, don’t ask them for anything, you’ll be weak and needy, let them dare tell you instead. I’ve gotten cell phone numbers, girls getting my cell number through other friends and calling me with made up excuses or “bumping into me” to aks me out, social network addings which didn’t turn to be a good idea to accept everyone cause when I stopped hooking up last time and I surrendered my password (Panamian girlfrieds getting real on a relationship are going to ask for that) it was better to just restart the account with half the friends; even straightforward asking me to be their boyfriend. Man I am totally a regular looking guy, no dandy, so this really works.

    About the eye contact, it the response was good it’s time for straighforward approach, nodding for a commun ground to say hi and talk. Hesitation you loose, your in doubt thoughts woudl reflect in your eyes, which is your only connection that you need to keep confident not to scare her away. One look full of those hestating doubts and forget about all the previous smiles, you are toast, and can forget that hot chick ever looked at you willingly. Hesitation only says that you don’t know what you want. I know that women want you to know that. That’s why they ask “would you dare?”, those three words comming out of a 17 year old literally girl next door when I was 13, where imprinted in my mind as the first time a girl ever asked me to have sex with her. It’s like I can still here the whispering sound of her voice while we lay down in here bed, just as any emotional memory records the light sounds tastest frangances and you can live them as if you where there. I have heard that many times since then, and to this day it is imprinted in my mind that they expect for you to know what you want, and for you to be able to communicated properly in the right moment, not sooner, but also not later or worst never. I also rember this one girl I never even kissed in highschool but I thought I had made it clear to her that I liked her and wanted to be his something. We had great sex a bunch of times back in 2008, and she told me that I simply never said anything back then. So body languange isn’t all, you have to be able to speak your mind elocuently. But if your eye contact and body languange is hessitant, she isn’t going to expect any improvement with your chat, so be confident at all times. Not try to be, but actually be, what do you have to be doubtful about really. She isn’t in your life, so you aint loosing anything as you think to be. One single good life advice my father told me was, “when a woman is for you will get have her, no need to worry about how you look that day, what you are wearing, etc., she won’t be distracted by any of that.” Have you ever seen that movie “Ghost from girlfriends of the past”? The uncle-dad character, that’s how my father is, that guy has had sex with more women than Gene Simmons, he knew, and I’ve confirmed that. Still I would like to say that on a club there is a mind set for the game, but there are much more other places to get them unprepared. You know what, they do think about sex, they also need it, and if you caught them ofguard, there isn’t much they can do. Stores are a great place for that, they are in a totally different mind set, and you have an excuse for being alone standing on that shelf conviniently close to her, to capture that glimpce on which eye contact will tell you if your attention is welcome, but most importantly unexpected. She wasn’t on that shelf judging you with a peer of friends and a bouncer. No, she was judging merchandise, prices, her cerdit probably etc. And off guard, now she notices you noticing her inocently cause obviously you are not there for her right? This has worked for me. There are other instances on which you can pick them, like on the supermarket, the line of a utility company, even when they are waving for a cab (I’ve gotten to know women in all these three scenarios). But on the later it is a must that you drive an expensive car, have a decent look, no tinted windows and be alone. I have litteraly picked hot women like that, but only driving expensive cars I’ve had. When driving regular Joe cars, you the same guy, turn scary.

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