Get Used To Guys Hitting On Your Girlfriend

July 8, 2011 by:
Get Used To Guys Hitting On Your Girlfriend

Get Used To Guys Hitting On Your Girlfriend.

Some random discoteca in San Salavdor, El Salvador.

Oye, yo pensé que era tu chica?”. (Hey, I thought she was your girl) Mi amigo turned to me and asked.

Yeah, I thought so too.” I replied just as I downed another warm shot of whiskey.

At the time, my “chica” was dancing with some random Salavadorian dude.   He had invited her to dance bachata because I could not.  She wanted to dance.   Not a big deal,  I thought.  One dance never hurt anybody.

Quite the contrary, what started out as a classic Latin dance of bachata morphed into a booty grinding session of reggaeton.  Mr. Salavador’s hands, which started kindly up around her upper back, slowly crept downwards towards her gyrating hips.   The dirtier they danced, the stronger my drinks became. I went from nursing the occasional national beer to pounding straight shots of room temperature whiskey.

After the near fornication on the dance floor, my date re-joined me at the bar.  She sensed my disgruntled demeanor and asked, “Ebans, mi amor que te pasa???“.  (Evan, what’s wrong baby).   Witnessing my chica booty grinding with Mr. Salavdor had made me a bit jealous.  The Whisky shots had made me a bit dramatic.  So, I told her, “Ohhh don’t even start with that “mi amor” crap.”  as I was getting ready to leave.

That night in San Salavdor I was 22 years old.  I had been traveling through Latin America for 2 months on a 12 month trip.  It was first time that I had noticed that Latino guys always seemed to hit on my girlfriend.  It didn’t matter if it was a semi-serious relationship or chatting up a new girl, some random dude would inevitably hit on her.

At first, I found guys continuously hitting on my girlfriends baffling.   To me, it was a clear violation of Guy Code.  Guy Code (I thought) states that if you demonstrate the girl is with you it was sufficient to ward off other guys (i.e; arriving at an event together, excessive flirting, etc).  I quickly discovered that in most parts of Latin America this was not the case.  Guy Code had a much looser interpretation.

To illustrate my point, here are a couple brief examples of guys hitting on my (or a friend’s) lady of interest during my year traveling in Latin America and my subsequent time living in Panama:

Surfing lessons in San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua.   A voluptuous ex-college girlfriend had flown down to meet me while I was traveling in Nicaragua.  We had decided to take surfing lessons.  Let just say her lesson was much more “hands on” than mine.

Hiking in Peru.  A Latina girl and I had decided to do a hiking trip together while I was backpacking in Peru.  The guide had been kind enough to offer her a helping hand in the difficult terrain.  Yet, the helping hand quickly became the permanent hand. He insisted that they hold hands throughout the entire hike, even the flat parts.

Barging into the bathroom.  My American friend brought his Colombian girlfriend to a house party.     Within minutes of leaving her side,  an Argentinean guy had sat himself next to her on the couch.   After a short conversation, she briefly excused herself to the bathroom.  As she entered the bathroom, the Argentinean guy tried to slip himself into the bathroom with her.

Bohemian Bar in PTY.  A Panamanian girlfriend and I had been partying with some friends.  We had arrived at the party together and publicly demonstrated some affection.   Nonetheless, a Panamanian friend of the group tried to kiss her while my back was turned.

Las Haciendas in David, Chiriqui.  I had been chatting up a local girl at the bar.  We mingled and danced a little typico.  When I briefly excused myself to the bathroom, a random Chiricano swooped in.   To salvage the situation, I had to have my local friend run interference.

A Mid-Day BBQ.  I had invited a potential girlfriend to join me at a friend’s birthday party.   I was introducing her to a new social group and had encouraged her to meet everyone.  Big mistake.   Within minutes, an Italian guy (similar aggressive male dating behaviors as Latinos) introduced himself with two sexually suggestive kisses on each check.  They were practically centimeters from her lips.   She was mesmerized and it was all down hill from there for me.

 

That fact that I am a Gringo exacerbates the feeling that guys are always hitting on my girlfriend.  Being Gringo in the land of Latinos automatically classifies me an outsider.  Psychologically, categorizing someone as an outsider makes it easier to justify violating social norms.  In this case, Guy Code.    Moreover, some Latinos don’t like to see Latinas dating Gringos.  It’s like they’ve switched teams.  As an American guy once explained to me on a beach in Brazil, “It’s like when that white girl in college started dating black guys.  She never came back.”.

Furthermore, Latin culture is more sexual than Gringo culture.  They touch more at coffee.  Latinas dress more feminine.  The construction workers whistle louder.  So, it shouldn’t be a surprise that most Latinos give it more gusto when going after girls.  Sometimes, it really doesn’t matter if they are “spoken for” or not.

It is interesting to note the difference in behavior of Latinos and Gringos at the bar.   Latinos protect while Gringos pout.

Latinos know damn right that most fellow Latinos at the bar are dogs.  They’ve developed protective shielding practices against random guys hitting on their women.  By their positions, they tend to box-in girls.   They situate the girl against the wall or closed off in a group of friends at bars and clubs.   Any place that limits the girl’s ability to engage in conversation with strangers.

Another form of protection is being demonstratively physical.  Physically, Latinos are quick to put an arm around a girl’s shoulder or slip their hand lower on their girl’s back whenever other guys are around.  Some form of touching that clearly demonstrates that the girl is taken, so back off!

Latinos have learned that they have to play defense to protect their women from more than just Gringos.

Gringos have a different approach.  Instead of protecting, we pout.  My San Salavador story is a perfect illustration of a Gringo pouting.   I, like most Gringos, was not accustomed to Latin America’s more aggressive dating behavior.  I did not properly “protect” my chica.  As a result, Mr. Salavdor swooped and stole her.  So, I pouted by getting drunk and dramatic.

You’ll also notice that Gringos become quiet when pouting.  We get jealous.  In order to leave, we make up excuses by saying, “this party sucks”.  This is how Gringos pout.

 

My time in Latin America has conditioned me to expect that anytime, anywhere, some guy or guys are going to try hitting on my girlfriend. Now that I know the rules of the game, I get less upset when they try. It’s almost a compliment like saying, “yeah, she is a cuttie, cierto (right)”.

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Evan Terry Forbes

Evan Forbes 122 post in this blog.

Evan Terry Forbes is an Author, Entrepreneur and Hall of Fame Traveler. He writes entertaining books about how travel has changed his life. In so many beautiful ways. Currently, Evan is traveling with his retired mother for 1 year through Europe and Asia. This book will be called, Travels With My Mother - How Travel Transformed A Mother-Son Relationship. Read his books here.

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6 Comments on "Get Used To Guys Hitting On Your Girlfriend"

  1. Isis on Sat, 9th Jul 2011 1:36 pm 

    hahahahaha It’s so true! love you articles!

  2. edward on Sun, 10th Jul 2011 1:43 pm 

    Brought back a number of memories of similar situations in my lifetime of loving Latinas. In Mexico, the women EXPECT you to defend them against male predators and be “macho”. They find gringos to be “frio” (we don`t touch or show affection as much publicly) and think we don`t respect them if we don`t stand up for them. We gringos can actually learn a few things from Latino men on this subject…:) When I went back to the USA and started acting more “Latino”, I found Gringas to be more responsive to me.

  3. karla on Tue, 12th Jul 2011 11:53 am 

    I have to say, I felt compelled in writing about this…
    I have never been a victim nor have I ever witnessed this type of behavior. Men respect other men’s girl. I have been in latino clubs in USA and never have seen this. I think this might be part of your gringo frio syndrome. No men will go over to talk or try to snatch a kiss (or a bathroom quickie for that matter) from your girl if you give PDA (public display of affection). My guess is that you are giving signals that you and your girl, date etc are just friends and that is why you have that happening to you. Sometimes guys become leeches and we (women can’t get rid off in clubs etc) so sometimes saviors do come to save us from those unwanted guys that like to roam around us like lions. Lol Yes, security guards or construction workers will whistle or say nonsense when women walk by, but not when I am with my husband (6 foot frame man). Maybe you have a smaller frame, who knows, time to mark your territory and give some kisses to your dates, hold hands, hug etc. show your latino passion and show your affection to your girl and other males, she will not only like it but it will be other male deterrent. (and if she does not like, time to get another girl)

  4. Lisa @chickybus on Tue, 12th Jul 2011 12:56 pm 

    Wow…this is fascinating. I used to go dancing a lot and I did notice how the men sort of ‘protected’/’boxed in’ their women and made it nearly impossible for others to hit on them. I’ve also noticed that if does happen for some reason, they tend to freak out.

    In any case, I think it’s a shame that it’s happened to you so many times. I hope that you find a workable solution!

  5. Big Bowser on Thu, 1st Sep 2011 10:27 pm 

    I feel sorry for you. You come across as a real looser. If YOUR girlfriend let’s another guy hit on her to the point of having a quickie in the bathroom she is a whore. So just let her go make a fast buck and stop whining, or pay more for her services… Nice girls don’t behave like that with their man.

  6. isis on Tue, 11th Oct 2011 8:21 pm 

    well there are guys like that and there are also very respectful guys! like in every where! I found my self couple of time in this usual situations! but it is in the woman to be respected from guys like that!.

    saludos!!!

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