My Latino Family Values

Bogota, Colombia Bus Terminal Winter 2006.

I was waiting in an open-air bus station in Bogota in the northern part of Colombia.  The night was chilly.  The air was crisp due to the Colombian capital’s 9,000 foot altitude.  I was awaiting a 12 hour overnight bus switchback journey from the mountains of Bogota to the valley of Cali.  The metro station was packed with riders and their friends and family getting ready to see them off.  The scene of departing friends and family was reminiscent of what I have observed at international airports.

As I waited with my Ipod headphones in my ears, a family of three huddling together caught my attention.  There was a grandmother, mother, and a child who could not have been older than 6.  They appeared to have come from Colombia’s numerous working class poor.   Their clothes were tattered and there were barely enough of them to fight off the cold.

The grandmother and child were getting ready to board the bus.  Presumably, the grandmother and child were visiting the mother, who had migrated to Bogota in search of work.   The two were visiting the mother for a weekend, but now had to return to Cali.  The child was being raised alone by his grandmother, a very common occurrence in Colombia.

The grandmother and young child were the last riders to board the bus.  Not until the 3rd, and final call, did the grandmother and child move towards the bus.  Visible tears ran down their cheeks.  They held each other tightly, hugging and kissing until the last possible moment.  Being the eldest of the family, the grandmother reluctantly tore the child out from the mother’s arm to get on the final night bus back to Cali.  As the late night bus departed, the sad Colombian family pressed their trembling hands against the passenger window until the last possible moment.

That night in the Colombian Andes mountains, as many of the riders quickly fell asleep, I stayed awake.  I spent that evening thinking about what I had just seen.  I re-examined my relationships with family and friends.  It was a turning point in my life…

My time in Latin America has strengthened my sense of family.  Latino families play a much more significant role in daily life than in any other culture I’ve experienced.  This includes my own in the States.  Typically Latino families are larger than the typical North American family.  What they consider to be “family” is beyond the traditional nuclear family. Family often includes cousins, aunts, and close friends.  Many families have multiple generations living under one roof.

Often, large households are a necessity.  The average per-capita income in Latin America is far below that of the United States, Europe, and parts of Asia.  As a result, greater numbers in the household allow scarce resources to be pooled together.  The economic struggle builds comradery and unites them as they work together as a unit.   The parents go to work, children go to school, and the grandparents look after the children.  As a close Latino family friend once mentioned to me, “we never have enough, but it’s always just enough to get by”.

As a general rule, Latinos live longer at home than their North American counterparts.   It is common to see a Latino youth living at home well into their late 20′s and early 30′s.  This is true even if the young adult can afford to live alone. It’s assumed that the child will stay at home unless he/she goes off to college or migrates to another country.  By way of contrast, many of my peers in Seattle were itching to move out as soon as possible.  I had friends living on their own as early as age 18.  It was considered the first step to adulthood.  Conversely,  living at your parents house beyond your mid 20′s was considered uncool among your peers.

During my travels, I have stayed with many Latino households.   Many of my most memorable experiences have been  in these households.  I was always embraced by the family as one of their own.  The elder females in the family would take care of me (even scold me).  They constantly fed me and I was never permitted to leave the house without a jacket (even on a warm day).   The males in the house looked after me like a younger brother.  They showed me a good time, and if anyone gave me grief they were quick to protect me.   Always within minutes of staying in their homes, they treated me as a long time member of the family.

I’ve grown to appreciate many aspects of the Latino family dynamic.  Some aspects I agree with more than those of my native culture.  For example, it would appear to be common sense that a young man or woman should remain a contributing member of the larger family unit until they are truly ready to live on their own.  Young people should save their money.  Invest it wisely, rather than becoming bankrupt living on their own too quickly.

In addition, I admire the Latino’s open affection for fellow family members as well as their willingness to assist a family member in need.    The “mi casa, tu casa” mentality.  I often joke with friends that I would like the help a Latina grandmother as a nanny to assist me in raising my future family.

As I’ve matured, I have learned to appreciate cultural norms and values that differ from my own native culture.  These differences give us a new perspective and can teach us more about our own culture.  More importantly, it allows us the opportunity to blend various aspects of differing cultures into our own daily life.  Individually, we all have the ability to customize our own personal worldview.  For me, I admire Latino family values and I’m continually incorporating them into my daily life.

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