Nice Guys Finish Last in Panama. Part I
Nice Guys Finish Last in Panama. Part I
Maybe there is a shortage of “nice guys”. Maybe too, nice guys are learning that it just doesn’t pay to be nice. I was inspired to write this article by watching the interaction of a couple at one of my favorite Casco watering holes.
Late night in Casco Viejo, Panama City.
That night at Tequila Bar we all sat in a semi circle and chatted. We were a mixed international group of about 10 people. Half Latinos, half Anglos. In the group, was a late 20-something good looking couple. The guy was a Spaniard. She was an well-to-do Venezuelan ex-pat that had recent immigrated to Panama.
He lived in Spain, but would come visit her in Panama as often as he could (approximately once every 2 months). His visits to Panama were brief. He didn’t know many people in Panama. As a result, their group outings were with her and her predominately Venezuelan friends.
Throughout the evening, the Spaniard was making genuine attempts to be affectionate. Without being asked, he continuously refilled her drinks. Around strangers, he praised her professional accomplishments. With her friends, he would consistently attempt to initiate new conversations. Finally, he would put tremendous effort towards giving her attention. In my mind, he was a pretty decent boyfriend.
Yet, she did not devote nearly as much effort to him. She was rarely affectionate. This was evident in her body stature continuously leaning away from him. Additionally, she excluded him from the evenings conversations by repeatedly chatting about local gossip amongst her friends. She was so unenthusiasatic about the relationship, that unless you were directly told, you would have no idea that they were a couple.
It was clear that he was becoming more and more frustrated. The tension between the couple increased as the night wore on.
Seemingly, the last straw occurred when a favorite Salsa song was being played. She wanted to dance. However, rather than asking her boyfriend to dance, she asked a fellow Venezuelan friend. He declined, but she persisted. Presumably, her friend felt awkward dancing at a informal party setting. Most importantly, he felt awkward about dancing with another man’s girlfriend. This would have broken a major tenant of “Guy Code”.
After a few minutes, the girl gave up on her insistence on dancing. She returns to her seat next to her boyfriend. Instead of receiving a warm, loving hand to hold, she found an angry Spaniard who was ready to leave.
From her point of view, she believed that her boyfriend was jealous. He was mad because she asked another guy to dance (stereotypically, Latinos are much better dancers than Spaniards). Yet, this was only partially true. She was neglecting the sequence of events that fueled his anger.
If I had to guess, I imagine his thoughts were something like this:
“- I paid $700 plus for this ticket. And, more than $2,000 a year to come see this girl.
- I bend-over-backwards to chat-up her friends. More often than not, I’m excluded from their conversations.
- I’ve been trying to be a gentleman by refilling her drinks, paying her tabs, and showing her public affection. For what? In return, I’ve gotten a limp hand and a cold shoulder.
- Finally, she once again neglects my feelings by dancing with other guys in front of my face.
Ayala vergaaaaaaaa, estoy harto con esta Chama. Me voy! (Fuck this shit. I am fed up with Venezuelan girl. I’m outta here!)”
The night ended with them leaving in a fight. He had a flight the next morning and who knows what happened to the relationship.
The moral of the story is this: Ladies, reward good behavior!
My dating blog is filled with female rants about the shallowness of men in Panama (both local and foreign). Yet, as this story highlights, and many of us guys say amongst ourselves, that being a nice guy gets you NO WHERE. Nice guys finish last. This story is testament to that belief.
In my opinion, this is what the Venezuelan girl should have done?
First, genuinely say thank you when he picks up your tab. Very few of us are made of money. He is probably occurring massive amounts of debt on his credit cards for these little trips to Panama.
Second, make your guy feel secure in the relationship. Naturally, he is uncomfortable hanging out with only your friends. Consistently include him in the conversation as well as give him plenty of affection. If not, you’ll deepen his feeling of insecurity.
Third, ALWAYS ask your date to dance first. I don’t care if he is the WORST dancer in the world, let him be the one to decline the offer. Afterwords, if he is mad that you danced with another guy, you can remind him that you asked him first 
The point of this article is really quite simple: REWARD GOOD BEHAVIOR. It may take a while, but ultimately it is always true. Men will behave as they perceive you want them to behave. To use a rather simplistic analogy, treat men like puppy dogs. When a puppy poops in the house, you scold it. When a puppy poops outside, you give it a treat. Just like training a puppy, you have to be consistent and you have to have patience.
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Ericka on Fri, 23rd Apr 2010 7:53 pm
Ohh i could write a 4 page answer to this post, I am just gonna say that more often than not, the same scene is played over and over in Panama but the other way around…it seems so called “nice guys” are attracted to bitches like these, then why would he expect to be treated any different? Its a proven fact, and Ive seen way too many times….guys prefer “cabronas”, well probably she was very good looking, a “trophy” gf, one that he can parade around to all this guy friends, like a prize…well that’s what you get when you hook up with someone like that….live and learn! Just ask my “nice guy ” friends who married women like these, only to end up divorced.
Vix on Fri, 23rd Apr 2010 8:14 pm
While I see your point, I think that you are reaching for conclusions to quickly.
First you are assuming that people act rationally. It might be that it isn’t about this guy being nice or not… maybe she is just not that into him period. Guys date girls they are only lukewarm about all the time, pay little attention to them and that is why we have come to theorize that men love women who treat them like shit. But maybe they are just not that into them. Not because of the way the person acts or is (which would be rational) but because something like chemistry or pheromones. Not rational, not responsive to behavior… something beyond common sense.
I also think that you are overlooking how insecure a girl has to be to respond poorly to kind behavior. Women/Girls (including me) play games when they are insecure. Her boyfriend is far away, he might be busy a lot of the time, maybe once every two months seems like a little, etc… So in her mind, she might want to appear popular, wanted, ok without him… so he might want her more. People do that, both guys and girls… Especially asking the other guy to dance, seems to me to fall under this type of behavior. She WANTS the guy to be jealous. She wants him to know that he needs to care while he is away, because she is a desirable person…
Anyways feel bad for both of them… long distance relationships are probably very hard (wouldn’t know) and have a huge amount of additional problems.
BUT have to say nice guys dont necessarily finish last… and especially not just cause they are nice. Most of the time something just isn’t there.
P.S. if you are male, nice, cute, hate playing games and and can easily understand Seinfeld references give me a shout, I know a girl who loves guys like that and won’t dump you just for being nice.
Joshua Haarbrink on Sun, 9th May 2010 10:27 am
Classic tale of wandering souls trying to figure themselves out, and often learning the hard way. Thanks much for throwing the concept of gratitude out there Evan. We tend to take for granted that which we have, in the constant pursuit of what we think we want.
The nice guys don’t always finish last, although they often don’t wind up in first place on the podium of our culture’s medal ceremonies. Most of the perceived symbols of worldly success such as financial prowess and superiority rise out of a realm in which “nice guys” often have difficulty operating. But then again, consider the women that are intently seeking out that particular image and product: often stunningly beautiful, and usually bitchy and entitled.
Nice guys may not finish first, but who said that all the good fish swim at the surface of the pond? Keep your eyes out for the good ones, appreciate and express your gratitude to those who are open and uplifting, and most of all: Be real with yourself and figure out what you really want to experience.
Karla on Wed, 19th May 2010 9:19 pm
LOL—jaja, see I am bilingual. Lol.
This girl is a very ungrateful girl, perhaps a conceded BEACH. Lol You seee Evan….When stuff, or people happen to cross your life, sometimes you are ready to receive and sometimes you are not. I can see clearly that she is not into the guy. Let me let you in in a secret…”women love affection” unless there is something wrong with her. Lol Afection is very well received when the love and respect is mutual. She obviously is taking this guy for granted and his kisses and attentiveness too. Well, I can tell you that she will miss all that when it’s gone.
I personally would get date someone who loves being loved, not someone with issues nor someone who is not into me. Who the hell wants to be rejected in public. Well I have seen girls’ affection being rejected by husbands and boyfriends in public…oh well to each their own. I guess it’s a matter of choice. I would not tolerate that teenage behavior. THE HELL WITH HER! Lol
Nice guys will not finish last unless they allow to be stepped all over. You can be nice and give respect and GET respect in return.
Alfie on Wed, 2nd Jun 2010 10:01 am
Well, I think that sometimes men hit the wrong woman or she was trying to incite him to be nicer and closer to her….I think if the woman is worth it, and not only pretty, but intelligent stick to it, be it panamenian or foreign, a Woman has to be respected and well treated….we Men sometimes fail to understand that…..and I have met local beautiful and sweet women….
Robert Gillies on Wed, 9th Jun 2010 1:24 am
There is a very common saying in Panama which is, si la trato bien lo trata mal y si la trato mal lo trata bien. While this doesn’t exactly make sense, it seems to be true. Y la otra cosa es cuando ella esta mal humor siempre el hombre es culpable. That is why the Panamanian men drink so much because half of the woman have bipolar disease y casi todas quieren mandar el hombre. And when they don’t get their own way they have un berinche horrible. Yo se perfectamente porque una es mi senora. Anyway do have a cute little 5 year old daughter who gives a lot of pleasure to an old retired guy like me.
Escorts Panama on Sat, 26th Jun 2010 5:09 pm
Nice article bro! You should move to Chiriqui. I bang hot girls every day out here.
No_you_shut_up on Fri, 13th Aug 2010 11:24 pm
I am a nice guy and I have dated hundreds of women, a lot of them very classy ones. I was the one leaving them, because I could. I am not bad looking, well educated and I stay in shape and dress well. I also have a good job. I could get other girls and women and hence dump the ones I was dating after sexual relationships. Now, looking back, though I still attract nice younger women, maybe I should have stayed with just one of the classy women I dumped ealier. Big mistake.
Friend on Mon, 25th Oct 2010 2:10 am
This is true about my kid brother. I’ve told him to stop jerking around being so nice to them, most of them are in for the kill now, thus they are not looking for good guys.
If that guy in your article would have been acting like she was, she would have been in turn desperate for attention. I’ve come across my own share of unsecure attention whores (American slang that has nothing to do with them being actual prostitutes), with whom the only thing you need to do to score is to stirr those insecurities up a bit, they’ll go as far as paying (more than one) for the push where they’ll ask you to take them in their attempts to regain you. Don’t ever let her feel that you are back to her feet, cause she’ll scratch you off her list. Meanwhile, if you manage to effectively flirt (one sided doesn’t count) with other women in-her-face-bluntly on the other hand, they will more intensively strive to win you back, and that will asure you more nights out (real life personal experience). Girls like this, no matter how hot or thin they are, or how wild they are in bed, are no keepers though. Their insecurities usually end up getting the best of them and you’ll find not a shy number of them fat beyond recognition later on, or messed up in some other compulsive..
But overall, girls have mostly turned plain naughty. Proof to my point, go out on halloween, and you’ll see the dirty sexy outfits like naughty angels, nasty devils and alike are the most common, even amongst the “good” family girls, which don’t talk about it but also like and not a shy number engage in wild sex, three some, orgies, sex toys, etc., not privy to everyone not “networked” but true no matter how hard they try to hide it and say this ain’t the case.
With marriage material more and more scarce as time progresses, everything is different though. It’s not about the good and bad guy, but all honesty the man you really are. Since self confidence doesn’t come along with anything, but you just have to, like you say, “grow it”. Some people just need luck in that the marriage material kind of girl they would look beyond the current unconfident person and into the potential secure man inside, or you’ll get disregarded over and over until you grow that self confindence that would allow them to really know you. It’s a waste of time for most figuring out who you are and what you want, when you don’t know yourself.
So for women that do not calculate and marry unsecure guys with potential. They keep falling for the secure bad guys. Pray on the secure good guys even if they have to take them apart from their current female partners, turning them bad in the process, which ends them with a bad guy anyways shall the ones that try succeed. Or simply stay alone waiting, while potential partners grow some balls. In sum, growing up to be a man is more important than being one of the good nice boys.
reader on Sun, 7th Nov 2010 6:30 pm
Very good article!! Yes, normally we women like the guy that is not after us until we have a destructive relationship with a Macho and then we learn why is good to love someone that loves you back (a nice guy). But on the other hand, if you dont like a guy, you just cant.. even if you try.
I’ve dated nice guys and could not like them “for something I dont know” the sparkle is just not there. And I know also that a Macho is not going to make me any happier. But now, for example Im leaving in a european country and met a local which is a nice guy, and the sparkle is there… and we are happy. So for what I’ve seen in my own experience, there are many reasons why we can’t like the nice guy: our lack of experience in life, no sparkle, but at the right moment if women know what is the best, she will find the right nice guy.
Logan on Tue, 7th Dec 2010 4:05 pm
Girl’s here go by what I call “Síndrome de Telenovelas” (Soap opera Syndrome’s) They want a drunk, cheating SOB as a partner, so they can get him out of the alcohol, make him stop cheating an hence become a good man. That way they will have to thank her forever because she was a woman enough to chance his miserable life for good
Delasoulos on Mon, 7th Mar 2011 9:51 pm
I disagree with this completely. Nice guys are appreciated in Panama, girls aren’t used to it. Nice guys are the norm in the States but are a rarity in Panama. Be sweet, look different, stand out and get more ass.